Existential Terror When Buying Bourbon

Meant in jest (I assume!), the fear that Jamie Johnson and I feel when shopping for bourbon expressed perfectly. Bourbon’s Existential Terror:

You don't have to read Kafka to understand what an existential crisis is—just hang out in the Bourbon section of any major retailer long enough and you'll witness it first hand … Sir, can you tell me: does this Bourbon have value? Does it have any meaning? Any purpose? And, if not, what does that say about me? Should I be drinking a Bourbon without meaning? Does that mean that my life has no meaning? What will people think? What meaning is there in my life if I'm not drinking the absolute best American whiskey available? What can I do? Can you help me? Can you get me a bottle of Pappy? Oh shit, I'm hyperventilating! I need a brown paper bag. Breath! Breath!